Why Vampires Shouldn't Be Fearsome or Sexy

Today's post is to be taken with a grain of salt, I guess. My roommate gave me the idea for this post, and I thought it was too much fun to pass on.

Have you ever thought about how vampires speak? I mean, honestly, their long and sharp teeth must be annoying. Just think of it: If they are not careful enough, they will pierce their own lips, which would probably lead to them sucking out their own blood (that is, if they still have blood running through their body, which I assume, since they would look really wrinkly and sunk in otherwise).

However, if they indeed speak very carefully, they probably talk rather slowly. Imagine then trying to frighten someone, but voicing every single syllable with utmost care. Before they have finished their sentence, you've likely passed them without noticing.

Another consideration is how they pronounce words. Someone with such huge and dangerous front teeth who needs to be so very careful would likely have difficulty with pronunciation too, probably speaking with a lisp.

Now, ladies, seriously: How could such a being be fearsome or sexy?