Living with Two Languages in Your Head - Bilingualism

I am bilingual.

What does that sentence mean? Does it mean that you grew up with two languages? Or that you learned a second language you now speak fairly well?

For me, it means that I live with two languages inside my head. I think, dream and live in two languages instead of one. I speak more than two languages but only German and English are a part of my everyday life (and I'm not talking about work or reading but, really, inside my head).

Random thoughts might be in either German or English, without any logic or connection to the thought itself. I even sometimes remember conversations I had in one language - in the other language. Yep, I might remember a conversation I had with some American friends, and in my head, in that moment, the conversation is in fluent German. Or, I remember a conversation with one of my German friends in fluent English. It's weird; when I become aware of the fact that the languages have crossed yet again, it always leaves me scratching my head.

I might even switch languages in the middle of a conversation without noticing if my mind is occupied by something else (usually something in the other language). However, I'm still waiting for my first dream with subtitles. Chinese with English subtitles would be nice; I love the sound of the Chinese language but would need subtitles in another language to actually understand what's happening since my Chinese skills aren't good enough for that yet.

You might think having two languages to resort to would never leave me at a loss of words? Hah! I tell you...granted, if I only remember the word I'm looking for in the other language, I can look it up in a dictionary, but usually, I can't remember it in either language. Or, I'm talking in one language and know a word from the other language that fits exactly but can't think of a suitable translation/subsitute in the language I'm talking in...that's great if the other person is bilingual too but most of my friends would give me weird stares if I just switched languages in mid-sentence...

Being truly bilingual, be it through growing up with two languages or studies at a later point, definitely brings more advantages than disadvantages. Even though I might confuse or mix German and English every now and then, I would never want to be monolingual again.